I don't belong to you
by HFrischmon
Summary: Spencer's fiancee is in a terrible accident, and is in a coma. Toby Cavanaugh is the doctor. Things/feelings occur while her fiancee is unconscious. What will happen if he wakes up? Who will she choose...
1. Chapter 1

**This is my new Spoby story! I am so very excited to share it with you! It's not like my others at all. First off I want to say that I was inspired by the song Belong by the Cary Brothers. If you haven't heard it before I strongly encourage you to listen to it. I listened to that song on repeat the whole time I was writing this. So please please listen to that song after you read this chapter, it will help you understand where I am coming from. Anyways let me know what you think!**

Toby's POV

I saw her lying there. Her hands held his as her forehead rested against their hands. His lifeless body was in the hospital bed. The only sounds were the heart monitor beating, and the women's sobs.

I'd seen it several times now. Not that I'm heartless but working as a doctor in a hospital, you pretty much see everything. People die everyday. People learn they have terminal illness's. It's inevitable. I used to want to be a doctor to save people, to help people, to care for them. Now, I just did what I could. I didn't beat myself up when another patient of mine died. So when I saw her, it didn't bother me. I almost felt bad that I'm the doctor, because I don't have as much sympathy as I used to. Again, I said I almost felt bad.

I cleared my throat waiting for her to realize I was there.

She snapped her head up. Her eyes swollen, she asked, "Is he going to be ok?"

It's always the first question. "It's hard to say."

"What do you mean? Aren't you a doctor? You're supposed to know these kinds of things!" She nearly shouted at me.

"The brain is unpredictable. Believe me ma'am, I wish I could give you an exact answer," I said politely. I knew she would get angry with me. They expect us to be as powerful as God. But we can only do so much.

"Well what can you tell me then?" She rolled her eyes.

"The car accident caused a lot of damage. His body will heal with time. His brain… Like I said it's unpredictable. There's a chance that he could wake up a couple weeks from now and need minimal therapy or…" I always hated saying the alternative.

"Or what?" She ground her teeth together.

"Or… He could be brain dead. For life," I said coldly.

She turned away from me and covered her mouth. I waited as she had a moment to cry. I was used to this, like I said. I wish I had it in my heart to console her, but I don't.

She turned her head back to me, "so what are my options?"

"Right now, not much. We will wait a few days and see if his brain activity increases," I said looking at my chart.

"And if it doesn't?" Her voice cracked.

She was strong. Most people would be in denial. They try and avoid the worst. "Then his family has a decision to make."

Her eye's filled with tears, "So his life is in their hands?"

"Yes," I answer again.

She's quiet. I can tell she's thinking. "Are you family?" I ask.

"No," she slowly shakes her head. "We were supposed to get married in 36 day's."

I nod my head in understanding, "Do you have any more questions?"

"No. It all seems pretty clear." She looks at me coldly, like I'm to blame.

"Alright, I will be back before my shift is over. If you think of anything feel free to ask," I start to head out the door.

"Wait," She stops me.

"Hmm?" I pop my head back in the door.

"You're different," she says.

"How?" I ask curiously, taking a step closer.

"Do you even care?" Her tears stream down her face. "Or can you at least pretend to?"

I don't really know how to respond to that. Instead I look down at my chart at a loss for words. I look at her, and then I look at him. It's the same familiar feeling, nothing. I turn around and walk to my next patients room.

* * *

Spencer's POV

"He was so… Empty," I explained to the nurse, Katherine. "Is he always like that? Was he like hung-over or something?"

"Maybe, but he's always like that," she shrugged.

"I'm not sure if I want him to be the doctor. I want someone who care's. Someone who will do anything to keep my fiancée alive," I held onto Adam's hand.

"He may not care but he's the best doctor in this hospital. I've never seen a doctor like him. He's so smart and he knows exactly what to do. Honestly the only reason's his patients die is because they don't have a chance. You want , he's a miracle worker," Katherine placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Your sure?" I look into her eye's. "He's the best thing for Adam?"

"I would trust Dr. Cavanaugh with my life. I've worked with him for two years, he's better than the doctors with decade's of experience," she assured me.

"Thanks for listening," I try to smile.

"Anytime," She smiles. "It's going to be tough. But I'm here and you've got a great team to do the best for Adam."

"Thank you, I appreciate everything you have done," I try to hold my smile as she exit's the room.

It's so hard to look at Adam. Not only his injuries but his face. There were many time's I watched as Adam slept. I remember his face when he would be dreaming. But now… it was like there was nothing going on in his head. His face looked so empty. I tried to convince myself that I saw his mouth twitch, but I know it was my imagination.

I couldn't stop thinking about the doctor. He was really irritating me. How could he be a doctor when he doesn't even care about his patients? Or even pretend for their families sake? But if Katherine say's he's the best there is… Then I guess I'm stuck with him.

* * *

Toby's POV

I enter Adam's room, my last check before I go home. I immediately walk over to the computer. I check his heart rate, brain activity, etc. "It's the same," I say knowing she's about to ask me.

"Are you going home?" She looks straight ahead, not at me.

"Yeah, I'll be back in the morning. Dr. Rust is on the floor tonight. If you want to talk to him, he will be available," I log out and head for the door.

"Can I ask you something?" She hesitates.

"Sure," I turn around to face her.

"What do you think will happen?" She paused again. "I don't want your professional opinion. I want you personal opinion. You've seen this happen before, what are his chances?"

She want's my personal opinion? "You don't want my personal opinion," I answer simply.

"Yes I do," she fires back.

"No. You don't," I shake my head. "Because you won't like my answer." I turn around before I can hear her cry. Before she gets mad at me. Before I can feel any sorrow.

I check my phone I have a text from Amber.

_Hey want to me come over tonight? -Amber_

I couldn't remember which one she was. I had many women in my bed. Every night a different girl. They all tried to get in my heart by getting into my bed. It's really cruel of me to make them believe they have a chance.

_Be home in 20 -T_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the couple reviews I got! I hope this chapter will lead to more. I need to know if people like it! Anyways... I was so happy that PLL was back on last night! I was satisfied with the Spoby scenes although it could have been better... I was so sad to see Caleb go. Him and Hanna are my second favorite couple. I wish they didn't have to break up :/ **

Spencer's POV

I kept thinking about what Dr. Cavanaugh said. 'You won't like my answer.' I have hope for Adam. Or at least I did. What if he doesn't wake up? What if his family pulls the plug? What if they don't, and he's a vegetable for the rest of his life? What if he wakes up but isn't himself? What if he can't remember me or us? So many things cold go wrong. This was a nightmare. This is a nightmare.

"How is he?" I heard my friend Hanna ask.

I turn around, "the same."

"How are you?" Hanna takes a seat next to me.

"Numb," I say honestly.

Hanna pauses. She doesn't do well with tragedy. She's the funny one, always cracking a joke. She knows it's not time for jokes. "I'm sorry," is all she can come up with.

"I know," I nod my head. "That's what everyone tells me. Except…"

"Except who?" Hanna asks curiously.

I roll my eyes, "The stupid arrogant doctor."

"Well… Maybe he just doesn't know how to react," Hanna shrugged.

"He should!" I snap. "He's a doctor for crying out loud! He see's this kind of stuff all the time! He should know how to deal with this!"

Hanna didn't flinch. She knew I wasn't mad at her, I was just upset. "Just ignore him. Let him do his job and you just take care of Adam," Hanna tried calming me down.

"I didn't mean to get angry," I wipe my tears away. "I don't want to leave his side but… I need to step out of this hospital and catch some air."

"Come on," Hanna stood up. "Let's take ten minute's to go outside."

I hesitate. I take a few minutes and look at Adam. "I'll be back in a minute," I tell him. I know he can't hear me, but I just had to say it. I bend down and gently kiss his forehead. "I love you."\

* * *

Toby's POV

Of course, she's there. It's like she never left. I immediately walk over to the computer again. I look at his charts. "Still the same," I tell her.

She let's out a long breath, "I figured."

"Do you have any question's for me?" I ask.

"No," she responds looking at Adam.

I can tell she's mad. And I'm sure she's mad at me. She want's me to care whether he lives or not. But I won't. "Have you slept?" I don't know why I ask.

"Not really," she shrugs.

I start to head for the door. I turn around, because it was bothering me. "Why do you want me to care?"

She turns to look at me. "If you care, you'll do anything to keep him alive."

"There's nothing I can do. It's all him. There's nothing I can do to change the brain damage. If I could I would," I answer honestly.

"You're wrong," Spencer shook her head. "There is something you can do. If you tell his parents that you believe he could get better, they won't take him off life support!"

"Did they already decide what they were going to do?" I asked.

"No," she admits. "But I'm afraid of what they might do if they had to make that decision."

I didn't know how to answer her. What am I supposed to do? There is nothing I can do. "It's not my decision. I will give his parent's my professional opinion. And right now… He's not progressing, like he should be."

She turns back to her fiancée. She's irritated with me, I know. But she knows I'm right. So with that I leave the room.

* * *

Spencer's POV

"Hi Katherine," I greet her as she enters the room. I can't help but feel relief. Someone to finally have a real conversation with.

"Hi Spencer," she smiles at me. "How are you?"

"I'm trying," I shrug.

"That's all you can hope for," she takes a seat next me.

"Yeah I guess," I squeeze Adam's hand.

"Where's Adam's parents?" She asks.

"They were here, they just left. They try to come as often as they can." I truly did like his parent's. They were really sweet people. I was just unsure of what they would decide.

"What did say about Adam?" She asked with honest curiosity.

"He said he's the same," I sighed. "He's so annoying!"

"Tell e about it," Katherine giggled. "He flirts with every girl. Not to mention slept with a majority of the female staff here."

"Are you serious?" I gasp. "What a sick… asshole! I hate him! Has he tried to sleep with you?"

"Not really," she shrugs. "He's smart. He knows I don't take that kind of stuff lightly."

"Why doesn't he bother you? I mean all he does is sleep with women, and treat his patients like their dirt!" I clenched my jaw.

"He's a great doctor. And believe it or not he treats me well. He's always kind, he's just honest. He doesn't want to lie to people. He doesn't want to promise things that won't happen," she smiled at me. "He may not be the best when it comes to comforting people, but he is the best at what he does."

I still didn't understand why she defended him so much. I saw nothing in him that I find appealing. He seemed so dull and careless.

"Anyways I have to make my rounds," Katherine got up unwillingly. "I'll be back when I can."

Several hours later I looked at my watch. I knew it was the end of his shift and he would be coming to check on Adam. I was anxious to see if there was any change. Even if it was small, it would be hopeful.

I heard him walk up to the computer as he always did. No friendly hello, or even a smile. "Is it the same?" I ask.

He just simply nods his head and heads for the door.

"Can you… Just say something!? Or at least tell me what you're thinking!?" I burst.

"Nothing's changed," he replies calmly. "I don't know what else you want me to say?"

"Just be honest with me," I crack. "Does he have a chance?"

"People always have a chance," he shrugs.

"But… Do you think he will get better?" I try.

"I already told you… You won't like my answer," He frowns.

"So you think he's brain dead?" I confirm.

He studies me. For a second I thought I saw concern, but it vanished. "I'm just a doctor, I'm not God."  
Before I can ask him what he means by that, he's gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the couple reviews I got. I am uploading simply because I love this story and I hope some people do too. Please let me know what you think!**

Toby's POV

I had the day two day's off so it had been a while since I'd seen her. And today was the day. I would give my professional opinion to his parents. I immediately walk into the room trying to avoid eye contact. I walk to the computer to log in. It's just her and the parents. All of them have tears in their eye's as they wait to make a decision. Dr. Rust had told me there was no change over the weekend, and I was sure there still wouldn't be. I was surprised to see what I saw. "He's improved… Not by much, very little actually. But he did improve," I look at the parents.

"Oh my go-," the mother couldn't finish her sentence because she broke down in tears. "Spencer, did you hear that?"

"Yeah," Spencer nodded. She smiled through her tears. "So we will continue life support?"

"Of course," the mother nodded.

"I would give it a few day's," I suggested. "He barely improved. This happens sometimes, where they will improve in the beginning but then won't ever again." I looked at Spencer who was glaring at me. "But this is good news so far. It's a good start." I left the room so they could have their privacy. I avoided any emotional encounters, they made me uncomfortable.

Before I knew it I felt a strong force push me against the wall. "How dare you!" Spencer yelled at me. "How dare you say he might not improve more! Do you have any idea what you just did to them!? To me!? You had us feel happy for half a second, then you tare it down when you have the chance!" She had tears running down her face. I couldn't believe that I hurt her without it being my intention. "You are a sick human being!"

I looked around to see everyone staring at us. "I'm sorry," was all I could come up with. I just wanted to be honest with her and her family. I walked away before she could embarrass me more.

* * *

Spencer's POV

"How dare he!" I paced back and forth as Katherine sat in the chair next to Adam. "I was so happy… and he ruined it!"

"Spencer," she tried to sooth me. "Don't get yourself worked up."

"I can't help it!" I through my hands in the air. "That's it… I'm getting a new doctor!"

"Spencer…" She tried again. "He was just being honest. Look… You don't know him. And you don't know why he does what he does. But I promise you he does everything with good reason." She stood up and put her hands on my shoulders. "Now I really need to get back to work before I get fired."

"Thank you for always listening to me complain," I tried smiling. I took a seat exhausted from all the stress. I reached for Adams hand. I was hoping there would be a noticeable change. But he still looked lifeless.

"Can I come in?" I heard a familiar arrogant voice.

"It's not the end of your shift, so what are you doing here?" I ask rudely.

"I'm not sure," he looks confused.

It was the first real answer I got from him. I was intrigued. There had to be something underneath the surface about him. "Yes, you may come in."

He slowly walks in. He still stays incredibly far away. He looks down at his chart pretending to read it. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier, that wasn't my intention."

"I just…" I pause unaware of what I want to say. "I don't understand you."

He looks at me confused. "I'm not hard to understand."

"Oh yeah, cause you're just a wide open book aren't you?" I shoot back sarcastically.

"Just because you don't know me, doesn't mean I'm complicated," he shrugs.

"But you are. Not even people who have been working with you, understand you," I argue.

"It's not because I'm complicated. It's because I don't let them know who I am," he answer honestly.

"Why? What's wrong with being yourself?" I ask.

"Why do you care?" His eyebrows furrow.

"I don't know. I just want to know the doctor who is looking after my fiancée," I try to make sense of it myself.

"Well I am a doctor. And that's all you need to know about me to assure you that he's in good hands," he set his chart down on the table.

"Sit," I demand, pointing at the chair next to me.

"I have to get back to work," he gestures to the hallway.

"You have a pager," I roll my eyes. "If it's an emergency they'll contact you."

He hesitates then sits in the chair, but pulls it a little further away from me. "What do you want?"

"Tell me about yourself," I start.

"I'm a doctor," he rolls his eyes.

"I know that," I glare at him. "What do you do in your free time?"

"Sleep," he answers short.

"That's it?"

"Pretty much," he nods.

"Married? Kids?" I ask.

He hesitates when I ask him. Unsure of how to answer. "None of the above."

"Girlfriend?"

"Not really the boyfriend material," he shakes his head.

"Ok seriously, you have to give me something," I roll my eyes.

"I'm pretty boring. There isn't much to me," he still had sadness in his eyes.

For some reason I felt bad for him. He has no one in his life. He seems so empty, and lonely. I didn't believe for a second that he was boring. He seemed like he had no confidence or self-worth. I just wanted to make him smile, to prove that he was human.

"Are you ticklish?" I try.

"What?" he looks at me confused.

"You heard me," I smile at him.

"You're not going to tickle me are you?"

And there it was. It was small but it was there. A half smile. And it actually reached his eye's. He looked like a real person. A human being. I lean in closer, a smile creeping up on my face.

He slowly moves his hands to cover his midsection, afraid that I might tickle him.

"No," I shake my head. "I'm not going to tickle you."

He relaxed, his hands at his sides. "Good."

"I just wanted to make sure you were human," I smile.

"Human?" He smiles. "Why wouldn't I be human."

"I've never seen you smile. Until now," I let out a slight laugh. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't like a robot or something."

He chuckles softly to himself. "I'm human I promise."

* * *

Tobys POV

What the hell? How… was I still smiling. I sat in the break room drinking a coffee. I felt like I hadn't smiled in years. Not even the funniest of movies could make me smile. But her… something she did so simple. It made me smile. And here I was smiling still.

"What are you smiling about?" Katherine asked sitting down next to me.

"Oh… nothing. I saw a guy fall down the stairs," I lied.

Katherine gave me a weird look. "You are so weird. I haven't seen you smile in over 9 months. And you laugh about a guy who fell down the stairs. You are cruel!"

"I couldn't help it," I drink my coffee.

Katherine chuckles and then dumps her coffee. "Are you going to check on Adam before you leave?"

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

"Just be nice to Spencer. She's going through a lot," she shrugs. "And she kind of hates you."

* * *

I walk to my last room as always. I couldn't help but think about what Katherine said. She hates me. I didn't want her to hate me.

"You leaving?" Spencer asked as she watched me walk to the computer.

"Yep," I confirm. "He's still the same as this morning."

Spencer nods in understanding. "Thanks."

"But that's a good thing," I try to smile at her.

"You think so?" She looks at me with hope pouring out of her eyes.

"Yes," I give her one more smile before heading for the door.

"Wait," Spencer walks towards me before I leave. "I'm sorry I yelled at you this morning."

"It's ok," I shrug. "Have a nice night."

**A/N: Kind of a short and boring chapter... But the next one is when it starts to get good!**


	4. Chapter 4

**First of all thank you for the reviews! Second... I am so mad! So I had written 8 chapters for this story and my laptop broke... I can never get those chapters back... So I have to rewrite all of them. I am so pissed! UGH! Anyways... here is chapter four I hope you like it!**

Spencer's POV

I waited as he walked in and logged onto the computer. He was silent as he studied the screen. "Any change?" I asked.

"No," he almost whispered.

"It's been the same for two weeks now," I looked down at my hands, which were holding Adam's.

"Don't give up hope," he tried giving me a half smile.

Before he could leave I had to ask him. "What do you think will happen? I mean… You've seen this kind of thing before. What usually happens?"

He hesitated and then sat down next to me. "Usually… they stay the same for life or until someone pulls the plug. But I've seen miracles happen."

I turned to him, tears still in my eyes. "I don't think he's going to make it."

"Don't give up," he laid a hand on my leg. "Miracles do happen."

I wiped the tears from my face. "I've kind of lost hope."

"What are his parent's wanting to do?" he asked.

"I talked to them yesterday. They don't think he would want to be like this… a vegetable. So they are going to talk to you and see what you think," I whispered the last part.

"What do you want me to say to them?" He looked at me.

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"Do you want me to tell them I think we should wait… to see what happens?"

"Why would you do that?" I asked.

"Because I want you to… be happy," he looked a little sad.

"Why?" I was confused. "I mean… no offense but I didn't think you really cared about people."

"Maybe I do care," he looked to the floor. "I have to get to my next patient." He got up quickly and left.

* * *

Toby's POV

"How's it going?" Katherine asked , pulling out her lunch.

"Good," I smiled at her. "You?"

"Mr. Potters, spit on me while I was changing his bandages. That old man is crazy," she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," I laughed. "He always has something to tell me, about what I did wrong."

"What's got you smiling?" Katherine kicked me playfully.

"Nothing," I lied. "Just having a good day."

"Does Spencer have anything to do with this good day of yours?" She winked.

"Why do you think I like her?" I shook my head. "She means nothing to me."

"Do you always lie to yourself?" She smiled.

"Are you always crazy?" I shot back.

"Fine, I'm crazy," She got up. "But you have a crush on Spencer," She smiled then stuck out her tongue before running away.

I laughed and shook my head. I throew my garbage away and left the break room.

Spencer ran right into me as I headed down the hallway. "Oh! Sorry," she apologized.

"My bad," I smiled.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked.

"Sure," I walked with her slowly back to Adam's room.

"So… I want you tell his parents the truth," she let out a lengthy breath.

"Are you sure?" I asked trying to read her face.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I think he would want this. I don't think he would want a machine keeping him alive." She wiped the tears away that seemed to never leave her eyes.

"Is this what you want?" I ask again.

"It's not what I want," she shook her head. "But I know what he would want."

"Ok," I nod. "I'll tell them tonight then."

* * *

Spencer's POV

I sat waiting in the room once again with his parents. It was silent. Everyone had tears in their eyes. Especially me, because I knew what was coming.

He walked into the room and made small talk with his parent's. He took a deep breath, before getting to the hard part. "I just checked his results one last time before I came in and… There was still no change."

You could hear the sobs from his parents. But suddenly I felt nothing. I felt so incredibly numb. It almost felt good to feel nothing. I was sick of that pain in my stomach and heart.

Dr. Cavanaugh looked at me for a long time. His face suddenly changed. "I think we should wait another week. In my professional opinion, I think its too soon to make a decision right now."

"You think so?" Adam's mom asked.

"Yes I do. Now if you'll excuse me I have a busy day. If you have any questions you can stop by my office around 7 tonight." He quickly left before they could say anything.

"Excuse me," I told his parent's before running after him.

I followed him into his office, "W-why would you do that?"

He turned around surprised to see me. "I was feeling hopeful," he whispered.

"You… did that for me?" I whispered to myself.

"I told you… I want you to be happy," He tried avoiding my eyes.

"Thank you," I smiled at him. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. I felt for half a second… I felt a pull towards him. I shook my head trying to avoid the feeling. I turned around before I did something stupid.

"Wait," he walked over and shut the door before I could escape. "I lied. I didn't do it for you. I did it for me."

I looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I was being selfish," he looked at me sweetly. "I didn't want you to go."

I gulped. Why did I feel like kissing him? Why did I suddenly have this shift in feeling for him? "Why?"

He didn't answer my question, he just stepped closer to me. We were only inches away. I could feel his chest against mine. I was pushed up against the door unable to move. I didn't even try to fight it. His head came closer to mine so our foreheads were touching. He didn't move after that. He waited for me to make the decision.

It was like fireworks, as cliché as that sounds. It was like that moment in a song were it hit's the big moment. It was like a wave crashing onto the shore. Our lips met in an instant. My arms wrapped around his neck, as his wrapped around my waist. Our lips moved perfectly together. Our tongues danced with each other. Our bodies moved against each other.

As we slowly parted, reality hit. My eyes filled with tears as I thought of Adam. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I covered my mouth. I quickly turned around and slammed the door as I left his office.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the reviews! Glad people are liking it! Please review this chapter as well!**

Toby's POV

I tried avoiding her all week. Checking on him while she went to the bathroom or the cafeteria. I think she was avoiding me too. I felt bad for doing what I did. She was clearly just upset about Adam and she wasn't thinking clearly. I shouldn't have taken advantage of her. "So you do come in here?" I heard her say from behind me.

"Uh, yeah." I turned around and headed for the door avoiding eye contact.

"Are we ever going to talk about what happened?" She asked.

"I… I shouldn't have done what I did. I didn't mean to take advantage of you," I looked at the floor.

"Take advantage?" She questioned. "I kissed you," she whispered so no one could here.

"But I made the first move. You were just upset, you weren't thinking clearly. And I took advantage of that," I argued.

She sat down and sipped her coffee, "I was thinking pretty clearly. I wasn't upset. I was happy that you said that to his parents, even if it was just to keep me here longer. The crazy part is… I'm glad you want me to stay, because I want to stay too."

I was confused, "What are you saying?"

She shook her head. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. You're right, I'm not thinking clearly."

I was still confused but I left before I did something stupid again.

I ran into Katherine in the hallway. "Oh hey I was just coming to find you. Adam's parent's are waiting in your office they have a question for you."

"Oh, thanks." I shake my head trying to straighten everything out.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I swallowed.

"No you're not," Katherine reached for my shoulder.

"I can't talk right now. I have a lot to do," I headed for my office before she could pry.

They were waiting for me sitting across from my desk. I sat down, "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes," the father spoke. "We can't do this back and forth stuff anymore. It's up and it's down. I know what my son would want. We want to pull the plug."

"What about Spencer?" I immediately ask.

"She would want what's best," the father answered.

"Ok," I try to process everything. "I will have Katherine get you all the paperwork and then we can do it tomorrow morning?" I ask.

"Thank you," the father nods.

"Sure," I nod. I can't help but think of Spencer and what she's going to think.

* * *

Spencer's POV

As I sat there holding Adam's hand I was thinking of Dr. Cavanaugh. I was thinking about the kiss and his smile. And the way he would look at me like…

"Spencer?" he knocked on the door lightly.

I turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" He asked.

"Of course," I gestured to the seat next to the seat next to me.

He took a seat, "Have you talked to Adam's parents today?"

"No, why?" I was confused.

"They talked to me today. And they want to pull the plug… tomorrow."

"What?" my eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't they tell me?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to let you know," he sighed.

"I guess this is it then?" I squeezed Adam's hand.

"I'm so sorry Spencer," he whispered.

"It's not your fault. You did everything you could." I laughed to myself.

"What are you laughing at?" He questioned.

"You want to hear something crazy?" I asked.

"Sure," he tried not to smile.

"This happened to me," I sighed heavily.

"What happened to you?" He cocked his head to the side.

"I had an accident. I was drinking and I was walking home, apparently I slipped on some ice and I hit my head pretty hard. I was only in a coma for a week but I had bad brain damage. I couldn't remember time before the accident. I remembered most of it, but there was a significant amount I didn't."

"When did this happen?" his face changed.

"Almost four years ago," I answered. "Then I met Adam shortly after. I was so happy because I felt so… strange after my accident. Like there was something important or something. But I found it. It was Adam… But now I won't have him anymore."

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"I think the universe is trying to tell me something. First me, now Adam. But I don't know what it's trying to tell me."

"I wish I could tell you," he whispered. "I have to get going though. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Ok," I tried smiling but the pain was just too much.

* * *

Toby's POV

I headed back to my office to grab my jacket. I was so terrified for tomorrow. I didn't want to have to say goodbye to Spencer. The thought of it was… unbearable.

"Hey," Katherine opened my door and walked in.

"Hey," I tried smiling. "What's up?"

"I just have a quick question. James Richardson, the one who broke his femur… He was wondering about physical therapy. Did you get him set up with Dr. Lynch already?"

"No I forgot," I sighed. "Sorry. Tell him I will do it tomorrow morning."

"Sure thing," she nodded. "Heading out?"

"Yeah," I nod.

She walked towards me, "How did Spencer take it?"

"Ok I guess," I shrugged. "Pretty well considering."

"Yeah… Well I'll go tell James you said yo-" she stopped mid sentence. She was staring at the picture frame on my desk.

"Katherine-" I shut my eyes.

"What the hell is this?" she picked up the picture frame.

"It's… Just let it go, ok?" I grabbed the picture from her hand and put it face down.

"I don't understand?" she looked at me confused.

"Neither does she…" I sigh.

**A/N: What are your thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews! Hopefully this will clear up any confusion. Let me know what you think!**

Spencer's POV

We gathered in his room, his parent's and I. I had no more tears left. They were completely dried out. My body was unable to produce at the rate they were falling from my eyes. His parents sat on one side of his bed holding his hand, while I sat on the other. I was given a lot of alone time with him last night, but it never felt like enough. I kissed his lifeless lips until mine were numb. It was hard to feel how lifeless he was.

"Is everyone ready?" Dr. Cavanaugh finally spoke.

We all just simply nodded our heads unable to speak.

"I am just checking one last time, for any changes," he spoke softly. He took a couple minutes to look over his results. "I'm sorry, but there is still no change."

Nobody moved, we were all expecting this.

"Are you ready?" He asked again.

We all nodded. I just wanted to get it over with. It was about five seconds later when I heard the machines shut down. His chest immediately stopped moving up and down. But other than that nothing really changed. It made me realize how gone he already was…

"I'll give you guy's a moment," he said before leaving.

I stood there looking at both of his parents sobbing. They had each other to get through this. I had no one. I was all alone. No one could understand what I was going through. I stood up and walked out of the room. I knew where my legs were taking me and there was no way I was going to stop them. I practically ran when I saw him at the end of the hallway. The tears already escaping my eyes. He opened up his arms when he saw me, knowing what I needed. I practically leaped into his arms. I sobbed into his shoulder as my hands gripped his shirt.  
He lightly wrapped one arm around my waist to keep me standing and the other was cradling my head. His one arm rubbed my back trying to soothe me. "Shh… Spence. It's ok. You'll be ok." He kept whispering words of encouragement in my ear.

I could feel all the doctors and nurses staring at us, but I didn't care. I just needed someone who cared, to tell me everything was going to be ok. And even though I knew nothing would be ok, I just needed to hear it.

He pulled me into his office so we weren't causing a big scene. He sat me down as I sobbed. "Do you need something? What can I do? Do you want a glass of water? Do you want to lie down?"

I just shook my head, I couldn't get the words out. I was still holding onto his hands. I'm pretty sure I was breaking his fingers I was squeezing them so hard.

After about twenty minutes of me crying and him just holding me he finally spoke. "Spence my pager is going off. They are looking for me."

I just nodded, knowing he had to leave.

"Do you want me to find you a place to lie down? Or do you want me to walk you back to Adam's room?" He offered.

"I think I need to lie down," I finally said.

"Ok," he pulled me out of the chair. He walked me down a couple of rooms. He found an empty one, "Here, lie down."

I laid down as he covered my with the hospital blanket.

"I'll come check on you when I can… Are you going to be ok without me?" He asked.

I shook my head no. "But I'll try," I whisper.

* * *

Toby's POV

After everything calmed down an hour later, I headed back to Spencer. She was still laying in bed. Her eyes were open still but she looked like she had stopped crying. "Feeling any better?"

"Not really," she said honestly.

I walked over to her bed and sat on the side. I picked up my Stethoscope and placed it in my ears. I placed the other end on her heart to listen.

"What are you doing?" she asked confused.

"Take a deep breath," I commanded.

She listened but still looked at me like I was crazy.

I then felt her forehead with my wrist and felt if her hands were cold. "I'm just checking."

"Checking what?" She squinted her eyes.

"Sometime's when people have panic attacks, they will pass out or stop breathing. I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting too worked up."

"How was I?" she asked.

"Your heart was a little bit fast, but nothing to worry about for now," I tell her the truth.

"Did… Is Adam gone?" she asked.

"Yeah," I nod. "They took his… body." I tried not to say it like that. But I didn't know how else to say it.

She just nodded in understanding. "Thank you, for taking care of me."

"I wanted to," I smiled at her.

She looked at me for a long time. I could tell she had something on her mind. "What?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I should probably go. I have to talk to Adam's parent's about… funeral arrangements," she sat up. "That feels so weird to say."

"So… I guess this goodbye then?" I gulped, trying not to show my emotion.

She looked at me and frowned. "I guess so." She stood up and tried smiling but I could see right through it.

She stood on her toes and gave me a hug. It was that moment where the hug lasted abnormally long, but it didn't feel long enough. I could hear her sigh in sadness, as we pulled away. "Goodbye," her eyes filled with tears again.

"Goodbye," I tried smiling. I watched as she walked out the door.

* * *

Spencer's POV

After the funeral I sat in my car. It was so cliché but it was raining outside. It was weird how the weather always seemed to fit my mood. The funeral was exhausting. I had so many people hug me and tell me they were sorry. All I wanted was to be alone. But I had to be there, even though I would have rather been lying in my bed. I sat there with the radio quietly playing in the car. I didn't know where to go from here. Back home? To sit in the silence. Do I go to one of my friends house? So I can bring down their moods. Do I go to my parents? No. That's the last place I wanted to be. But there was one place my mind kept going back to. The hospital. His office. His arms. But wouldn't that be incredibly selfish of me. My fiancée was just put in the ground and I want to go running into the arms of another man. But before I could feel guilty I was already driving there.

I walked straight to his office, but he wasn't in there. I sat in his chair. There wasn't much there. He had a computer, a file cabinet. Some pens, a stapler. He didn't have any pictures or anything. I know he said he was single and had no kids. But I thought he'd have at least one picture. Like of his dog or him and his buddies. Something. I felt like I was waiting for years when it had only been an hour. I started to get antsy. So I started rummaging through his drawers. Mostly it was filled with paperwork and extra pencils and postage notes. I opened the last one. It was a picture frame. Finally! I flipped it over and almost fainted when I saw it. It was a wedding photo. He was smiling looking handsome. His arms were wrapped around her waist. She had her arms over his and she had her head turned to the side looking at him. She was mirroring his smile. Her beautiful brown hair was pinned up in loose messy curls. Her brown eye's were looking into his blue ones. They looked so in love. We looked so in love.

The door opened, "Spencer?" he looked really surprised to see me here. "What are you doin-" He froze when he saw what I was holding. "Spence," He put his hand out cautiously. "Let me explain."

"Explain?" my voice squeaked. "This is a wedding photo. Of you and me."

"I know," he took a step closer, moving slowly.

"What the hell is this?" I could feel the tears filling my eyes.

"We're married," he clarified. "You got in that accident. Your parents told me you were dead and they forbid me to go to the funeral."

"Why did you listen to them?" I was confused. "You could have just gone. You're my husband, you didn't have to listen to them!" I couldn't believe what I was saying. My husband?

"I didn't want to see you like that… Spence. When I thought you were dead. I ran off for a while. I drank for weeks straight. I couldn't even remember my own name I was so broken."

"But why would my parent's lie? Why did they say I died?" I wondered out loud.

"They didn't like me. They forbid that I marry you, but we did anyway. I shouldn't have listened when they told me… But I was sure you were dead. When I saw you lying there in the street, there was so much blood. I just knew you were dead."

"So when you saw me in the hospital… You realized I was alive?" I asked.

"No," he shook his head. "I found out about 7 months ago. I ran into an old friend of ours from college. She told me she was invited to your wedding. I about had a heart attack. I thought I was dreaming when she said you were alive. So I found you online, and I knew it was true. I saw the pictures of you and Adam."

"Toby? You're Toby?" I asked.

He looked at me confused, "You remember?"

"No," I said honestly. "I heard my parents once, when they thought I was sleeping. They said your name a couple times."

"Yeah, they hated me."

"Why?" I wondered. "Why did they hate you so much?"

"Because… they think I'm the reason you dropped out of college," he rolled his eyes.

"I dropped out of college?" I was pretty sure I finished.

"Only for a semester. You needed a break. You went back, the following year," he assured me.

"But you ended up a doctor. They would have loved that!" I was still confused. I don't think my parents would hate him just because of that.

"They didn't believe I would make it that far," he sighed.

"It all makes sense now… The way I wanted you to care so much in the beginning. The feeling I always got, like I wanted to kiss you. The way we kissed like we've kissed before. How you call me Spence… How I'm always wanting to be in your arms even though I don't understand why. The way I felt after my accident… Like something was missing. The way you look at me like… you're in love with me." I looked into his eyes. "It was always there right in front of me, I just never saw it. I walked forward placing a hand on his name tag. "Toby Cavanaugh," I read. "That picture it was always there, and I never saw it. Were you ever planning on telling me?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" He shrugged. "It seemed like too much with Adam's accident."

"I deserved to know. You're my husband!" I sat down. "Holy shit. I'm married. I'm your wife."

He sat down next to me. "What do you want me to do? Should I start filling for divorce papers?"

"I need some time," I admitted. "I'm not ready to date. And I'm certainly not ready to be married. But I like you," I turn to him "I just don't know what to do?"

"I can give you space," he gave me a half smile.

"But I came here for you!" I grab his hand. "I feel like I need you."

"Well I'll be here if that's what you need," he squeezed my hand. "But I think what you need is time. Time to heal and figure out what you want. I'm just going to make things more complicated. When you know, come find me. Besides… whether or not you decide you want to date, we'll have to deal with each other regardless. I mean we have to figure out this marriage thing," he chuckled.

"How can you look at me, a woman you shared your life with and… let me go?" I asked.

"Because I've done it before. And because I made you fall in love with me once, I think I can do it again," he smiled.

I playfully shoved him, "You are something else!" I laughed. He was actually making me laugh. I hadn't laughed or even smiled since Adam passed away. "How do I get a hold of you when I decide?"

"Ill be here," he smiled. "You know where to find me."

"Ok," I stand up.

He follows me to the door. "I'll see you when I see you."

"I guess so," I say, not wanting to leave. I hug him again. "Thank you for everything. For trying to help Adam, and helping me," I whisper in his ear.

"Anytime," he smiles as we pull apart. He pulls me back in. But instead of a hug it's a kiss. It was sweet and passionate, but short. I couldn't help but melt into his lips.

He smiled as he pulled away. "Just in case I can't get you to fall in love with me again."

**A/N: So... I know you guys still might have questions but they will be answered throughout the story! Please ask questions though... there may be things that I'm not thinking about. Anways... What did you think about this chapter?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the reviews! To answer someones question, yes they were together before she even met Adam! Enjoy!**

Toby's POV

2 months later…

I hadn't heard from or seen Spencer, in two months. I was trying to not let it bother me, but it was. I was wondering what she had been up to. Was she spending her days in bed crying? Was she working a ton of hours trying to make up for the time she took off? Was she out looking for someone to date? Did she ever think about me? Millions of questions ran through my head daily. I couldn't stop thinking about her. She was my wife after all, I hadn't stopped thinking about her since I met her.

"Cavanaugh," Katherine peeked her head into my office. "Room N409, they need you."

"Ok," I stand up. "I'll be there in a second." I shoved my paperwork in my file cabinet and then headed down the hallway.

I lightly knocked on the door before opening it up. "What are you doing here?" I smiled.

"I thought it was time I come see you," she smiled back. "Plus I think I might be coming down with something," her voice sounded scratchy.

I sat down in front of her. I felt her throat for any swelling. "Open," I commanded.

I checked her throat, and then listened to her heart and her lungs. "I think you just have a normal cold."

"I figured," she cleared her throat. "I mainly came to see you. The rest was just a bonus."

I couldn't help but smile. "Are you here to tell me you want a divorce?" I joked.

"No," she smiled. "But we do need to talk about that."

"I agree," I nodded. "What are you doing for lunch?"

"Want to go to that new place across the street?" She asked.

"I would love to," I looked at my watch. "Give me twenty minutes. I'll meet you at the South entrance."

* * *

Spencer's POV

We sat making small talk, not really getting to the big stuff. "So…" I started after I swallowed a bite of my food. "Are we going to talk about…" I didn't really know how to finish that sentence.

"Our marriage?" He finished for me.

"Yeah," I bit my lip nervously.

"Well the ball is in your court," he gestured towards me.

"That's not fair," I frowned.

"Why not?" he laughed at me.

"Because… How do you know you still want to be with me? I'm probably not the same person you once thought I was."

"Oh you are very much the same," he smiled. "You are still very stubborn. You like to fight with me. Your right eye still twitches when you're mad at me. And you still roll your eyes at me when you know I'm right."

"Gee, I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to date me," I say sarcastically.

"You also still blush when I compliment you. You still bite your bottom lip when you are nervous. You are still extremely beautiful. And you are still an amazing kisser," he smiles.

"Ok so maybe it's easy for you… But for me. I don't remember anything about you. I feel like you know me so well and I don't know much of anything about you. It's like our heads and our hearts are in completely different places right now," I sighed.

"I know," his smile suddenly faded.

"That doesn't mean that I don't care about you or that I don't want to be with you someday. It's just really hard for me to deal with this," I tried to get him to understand.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I reached for his hand. "You've been nothing but patient with me."

"But I'm not making it easy for you," he frowned.

I just silently kept holding his hand. "What were we like when we were together?"

He stood up after he laid down cash to pay for our meal. He extended his hand, "I'll show you."

* * *

We walked back into his office. "What are you showing me?" I asked curious.

He searched through a bunch of files on his computer. He found the file that was named Spencer. When he opened it up, a bunch of videos popped up. "I haven't really watched these since I thought you were dead. I thought one day I'd have the courage to watch them."

He scooted over so we could share his chair. "There are so many," my eyes widened.

"I don't know why I videoed us so much. But now… I think it was fate. Like one day I would need them," He scrolled to the top. "Pick one."

"Ok," I smiled. I pointed to the fourth one in. My favorite number. "That one."

"Ok," he smiled and took a deep nervous breath. He clicked on the video. Immediately my face popped up. We were giggling and playfully arguing. I kept telling him to stop filming me, but he didn't stop. Eventually he set the camera down and walked over to me. We were at the beach, both of us in our swimsuits. He dragged me kicking and screaming into the water. Soon we were too far to hear what we were saying. After I ran to shore it looked like I was upset with him. I was visibly yelling at him. There was a couple times I hit him in the chest. But he kept smiling at me. Eventually he pulled me in for a kiss. It seemed like I was over being mad at him, because I jumped up on him and started making out with him. After a while the video went black.

I didn't realize I had tears in my eyes until I felt his thumb wipe it away. "Did I make you upset?"

"No, not at all," I shook my head. "It's nice to finally get some answers to my past that I could never figure out. Can we watch another one?"

"If you want," he rubbed my back.

"I do," I nodded.

"Alright, pick another one," he prompted me.

I randomly selected one further down.

By now we had watched about six or seven. Some were really sweet. I felt like I was watching a couple from a movie. We fought in a few as well. Some of the arguments were laugh worthy, but others were intense. "We did fight a lot. Why is that?"

"I don't know?" He shrugged. "But it never worried me because we loved each other so much . I knew nothing could ever come between us. Until…"

"Yeah," I whispered. "One more?" I smiled at him.

"Sure," he laughed.

The next one was very casual. To any one else watching it, it might seem boring. But it was fascinating to see us as a couple on a normal day. We were sitting on a couch talking about nothing important. Occasionally we would laugh. But the part that caught my attention was the way we would look at each other. And we were always touching. Whether it was playing with each others hands, or my legs stretched across his lap. He would absentmindedly play with my curls, and I would draw patterns on his t-shirt. Then we were suddenly making out. I wasn't uncomfortable anymore, it was almost in every video. But as it went on we didn't pull away. I laid on top of him as his hands roamed my body. Before I could even blink my shirt was off and his hands were heading for my pants. Toby fumbled for the mouse and tried hitting pause before it got any further.

"Umm…" I blushed.

"Sorry about that," he mumbled.

"Did you know you had that?" I asked.

"Like I said… I haven't been able to watch them. Why?" His face reddened.

"It's a sex tape!" My voice went up ten octaves. "How many are there?"

"I don't know, we were married!" He defended himself.

I stopped for a second. "We were married in this video?"

"Not this one," he shook head. "All these videos are before we even got engaged."

"So… Did I loose my virginity to you?" I always wondered who it was.

"Yes," he assured me. "I have to finish up my rounds."

"Do… you mind if I watch some more by myself, while you finish up?" I asked.

He hesitated for a while. "Fine, but you have to watch them in order."

"Why?" I was curious.

"Because I want to be there when you see the proposal," he smiled.

"Wha-" I was at a loss for words. "You have that on video?"

"Yes, now I really have to go." He quickly grabbed his clipboard and left.

I watched about ten more videos as he was gone. Some of them had me laughing so hard I was gasping for air. Some had me crying, hearing him profess his love to me. And hearing how much I loved him… it made me wish I could remember that feeling. I looked so happy and in love. And watching these videos made me fall in love with… us. I got to another video where we were ripping each others clothes off. At first I quickly searched for the skip button, but there was a part of me that was curious. I don't know what about? But I was. Surprisingly I wasn't uncomfortable. I was amazed to see his shirt off. I had already seen him shirtless in the beach pictures, but for some reason it looked better in this video. I'll admit it was a little weird to see me naked. I still try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror naked. Once I peeled off all his clothing my eyes widened. I was not expecting that. I suddenly felt wrong looking at him like that without his permission… But that seemed silly, he already knows the old me has seen him naked. And he's seen me naked so it only seemed fair… No. I need to stop. Before I knew it I watched him enter me… Boy that was strange. Not in a bad way, it was just odd to see myself yet not remember any of it. I skipped it as soon as I heard voices outside his door. It sounded like him and Katherine.

He opened the door, "I'm all done." He smiled at me.

"Good," I smiled back.

"How are the videos?" He asked.

"It's different and weird… I feel like I'm watching a movie. You know when you are so invested in a couple, that you can't get enough of them? It's just strange that the couple is you and me."

"For me it wasn't a movie. It was very real," his eyes were filled with sadness.

"I'm sorry," I say sincerely. "I wish I could remember."

He just gave me a weak smile. "Well I should get home."

"Can we just watch one more together?" I plead.

He comes to sit by me, "sure."

I scroll down and click on a random video. It started out with my back facing the camera. You could see Toby.  
Suddenly Toby quickly stopped it.

"Why'd you do that?" I glared at him.

"Because," he couldn't find his words.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's just another… sex tape." He looks away.

I grab his chin and pull it towards me, forcing him to look at me. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not," his eyes are still avoiding mine.

"You're lying to me. What is it? You can tell me," I beg him.

He grabs my hand and pulls it off his face. "I can't watch these anymore."

I stare at him. I guess I never took in consideration how he was feeling. Was I just ripping out his heart, making him watch his past?

"It hurts too much," his eyes got glossy.

"Toby…" I reach to touch his face again. "I'm sorry." I really wish I could get the old Spencer back for him.

He touched my hand and leaned into my hand with his cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed. He looked so sad. I wanted to make his pain go away. I leaned in and gently touched my lips to his. His lips were like a drug. Once you had a taste of them you never wanted to stop. My tongue slid into his mouth without hesitation. I wanted this. I wanted him.

He bit my bottom lip and I moaned. My hands were fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

"Spence," he pulled away. "Stop…"

I pulled away in confusion. I thought he wanted me.

"You are still upset about Adam…" he reminded me.

"Adam?" I glare at him. "This isn't about Adam!" I started to feel angry. "Let's be real Toby. What I'm feeling has nothing to do with Adam… From the moment I saw you at the hospital I felt something. I tried denying it for so long, but I can't anymore. And now you're pushing me away!" I could feel the angry tears fill my eyes.

"What am I supposed to do Spence? What am I supposed to think! Your fiancée just died two months ago. And you are here watching videos of us, yet you can't remember any of it! Am I supposed to have my way with you right here, right now? While you're still clearly not over Adam! Well I'm sorry Spence… But I don't know what I'm supposed to do." He searched in my eyes, like he was looking for the answers.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Why are you smiling?" he looked confused.

"You were right," I shook my head. "We do fight a lot. But I don't worry about it. Because it doesn't change how I feel about you."

He looked down still sadness in his eyes.

"Why are you so sad?" I placed my hands on the sides of his face.

"I want you to love me," he sighed. "But what I think I want is for it to go back to how it was… But it can't." He got up and walked out before I could even stop him.

**A/N: What are you guys thinking? Do you think Spencer is over Adam? Do you think she really loves Toby? Any questions or suggestions are appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter as much as I do!**

Spencer's POV

It had been a week. I hadn't heard from him… not a single word. I wasn't sure if I should try going to the hospital. I just wanted to know how he was feeling. Was he mad at me? Would he be happy to see me? Was he just so busy he didn't know when to reach me? Plus he didn't have my number or anything… I just felt stupid going there again, especially with how we left it.

"There you are," I heard a familiar voice next to me.

"Huh?" I snapped my head up to see him sitting on the park bench next to me. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Because you haven't changed in all the years that I've known you," he smiled at me. "You always come to quiet parks when something's bothering you. Of course I didn't know which one you'd be at. I've been searching every damn park in the last four days in the area," he laughed at himself.

"I've been waiting for you," I said seriously.

"I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry about last week."

"We keep telling each other sorry," I picked at the threads on my sleeve. "When will we stop?"

"I just don't know what to do…" he breathed. "Come and walk with me." He stood up and reached his hand out for mine. I grabbed it as he helped me up. Normally I would let go after that, but we walked hand in hand down the trails.

"Do you have the day off today?" I asked noticing him in normal clothes.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You want to know something crazy?"

"Sure," I smiled at him.

"I've been to at least eleven or twelve parks looking for you and all along you were at the one in my backyard."

I looked around, "You live here?"

"Yeah," he pointed to the enormous house in front of us. "We moved in together a couple months before your accident. You picked the house."

"Wow," I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. "It's like somewhere deep down I knew," I looked at him. "Where I live now is like twenty miles from here. I picked this park because… It was the quietest and the most beautiful."

"That's one of the main reasons you picked the house… You loved the park," he smiled at me. We kept walking towards the house. I could see why I picked it. It was beautiful and it looked a little older but still brand new at the same time.

"Was it hard living here when I was gone?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah, but everything was hard. I actually had to switch mattresses. Because it smelt like you, and I loved that. But the more I slept in it, it started to smell more like me. So I moved it into the guest room. Sometimes I would go lay in it, when I forgot how you smelt, just to remind myself that you existed once."

I was tearing up just listening to him talk about me like that.

He looked at me, "Oh I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset!"

I shook my head, "It's a beautiful story."

"It's not a story," he said turning to face me. "It's very much my reality."

"Can we go inside?" I asked curious.

He looked at his house hesitating for a moment. "Not today," he mumbled. "I'm sorry it's just a mess, and I want it to be perfect when you see it."

"Ok," I kind of felt rejected. But I didn't want to press it any further.

"You want to go out tonight?" He blurted out.

"Like on a date?" I wondered.

"Well… no. It doesn't have to be a date." He fiddled with my fingers nervously. "You know what… Yes like a date! Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?"

I laughed at how adorable he was, "I would love to."

"I will pick you up at eight," he smiled.

"Here," I dug out a pen from my purse and wrote my number on his hand. "Text me, and I will give you my address."

"Ok," he nodded. "I'll see you tonight."

"Wait," I said turning around. "We aren't going anywhere fancy are we? How should I dress?"

"What you have on now is fine," he told me.

"Ok, see you at eight," I smiled. "Don't be late!" I yelled as I skipped away.

* * *

Toby's POV

I rang the doorbell and waited for her. I couldn't help but laugh at how weird it was to be ringing the doorbell to my wife's house…

"Hi," she smiled opening the door.

"You look beautiful," I told her.

"Stop," she rolled her eyes. "Thank you, though."

I extended my hand, "You ready to go?"

She grabbed my hand, "I'm ready." She quickly locked her door and then followed me to my car. "Where are we going?"

"Um… If I say where it'll sound lame," I admitted.

"As long as we aren't meeting up in your office anymore, I'm sure it'll be fine," she smiled.

I opened up the car door for her and then made my way to the other side. We talked and laughed the whole car ride. I could tell she was trying to figure out where I was taking her, I was just hoping she wouldn't think it was lame.

"Alright," I said turning off the car. "We're here."

She looked around confused, "I don't get it."

"Just follow me," I chuckled. I grabbed my cooler from the back along with a blanket. I made sure she was following me before I followed the path between the trees. Once it opened up you could finally see the lake.

"It's so pretty," Spencer whispered.

"Yeah I found this spot a couple years ago when… I used to drive around finding quiet places like these." I laid the blanket down and sat down. "I know this is kind of lame, but there is a reason I brought you here."

"It's not lame," she said sitting next to me. "It's more thoughtful than taking me to some regular restaurant."

I pulled out the food from the cooler.

"So what's the reason?" She asked impatiently.

I smiled, "we met in a similar place like this."

"I want to hear all about it," she smiled at me.

I took a minute to think back, so I could get every detail right. "Well…" I began. "I was in my sophomore year of college, and you were in your freshman year. I was at this big party at my friends cabin. And there was this moment where I felt so Closter phobic so I decided to go outside. And to my surprise there were just about as many people outside as there was inside. So I headed down towards the lake just to take a couple minutes. That's when I saw you. You were sitting on the dock, with a beer in your hand and your feet in the water. I quietly walked over to you and sat down, but far enough to not scare you. I just sat silently until you said 'Closter phobeia?' From there I just casually talked to you. You were a little drunk but you were still comprehensible. Anyways after we talked for an hour or so we gradually scooted closer and closer without even really thinking about it. Soon we were playfully flirting, splashing each other with our feet. You…" I paused smiling at the memory. "You lost your balance and fell in the water. I remember jumping in so fast scared, you would drown from drinking. And… I brought you to shore and your eyes were closed and your body wasn't responding so I automatically started mouth to mouth CPR. And immediately you opened your eyes and wrapped your arms around my neck and kissed me. I was shocked at first but quickly responded by kissing you back. After I pulled away you said 'It worked.' I was confused but then realized you had planned that. You sat up and smiled at me, and then leaned in to kiss me one last time. Before you left, you turned around and said 'see you later.'

"Was I actually drunk?" Spencer laughed.

"I always wondered that…" I thought back. "But it took me a month to find you again. It drove me insane."

"Where did you find me?" She asked taking a bite of food.

"The library," I smiled.

"Of course," she rolled her eyes. "It's a beautiful story," she closed her eyes and laid down.

I laid down next to her, "you keep calling them stories."

She looked at me, "because I can't imagine a love story like that, being real."

I intertwined my fingers with hers, "What does it feel like when you're with me?"

"It's like…" she closed her eyes and sighed. "Like that void in my heart doesn't exist anymore. My heart knows exactly what it wants to feel when I'm with you. My body relaxes when you're touching me. It's like most of me knows it wants you."

"Most?" I tried not to look disappointed.

She opened her eyes and cuddled into me, laying her head on my chest. "All of me wants you. I'm just scared…"

"Why? I would never hurt you," I held onto her tighter.

"I'm scared that… I won't be able to live up to the integrity of the old Spencer," she sighed heavily.

"You are still the same Spencer," I kissed the top of her head. "And even if you weren't… I still love this version of you."

I could feel her smile, even though I couldn't see her face. We just laid there for a while without saying anything. We just held each other in silence.

"Did you feel that?" Spencer mumbled.

"Hmm," I opened my eyes.

"I felt a rain drop," she sat up.

I sat up looking at the sky. Then I could feel tiny droplets on my skin. "If we leave now we can make it to my car before it pours."

Spencer helped me pack up the cooler and fold up the blanket. "Wait," she stopped me.

"What?" I asked.

"Let's pretend we're nineteen again and stay… in the rain," she smiled at me.

I looked up at the clouds and dropped my stuff. "Ok. But if you fall in the lake I'm not giving you mouth to mouth this time."

She smiled and instantly it started pouring outside. She laughed looking up towards the sky. Damn, she looked amazing. Her smile, her eyes, her lips… I closed the distance between us and kissed her. My hands were along her jaw as hers rested at my sides. She kissed back, moving her tongue along my lips. I opened my mouth in response allowing her entrance… Allowing her back into my life. My walls had come completely down and I was ready to let myself fall in love with her… the new her. Because I was always going to love the old Spencer, but I had to realize she was never coming back. She was still the same… but different in a way. I loved her, both versions.

She pulled away and smiled, "I think I love you."

I could see the rain drops running down her face, as the stuck to her long eyelashes. She looked right out of a movie, "You think?" I joked.

"I do. I love you," she corrected.

"I love you too," I said before pressing my lips to hers again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Spencer's POV

We had been a couple dates since our first one. Each one I fall more and more in love with him. My day's were consumed with me either thinking about him or being with him. I couldn't get enough of him. It was still strange when I thought of Adam… I still loved him too. And there would always be a part of me that will.

"Hey you," I said setting the flowers down at Adam's grave. "I really miss you."

I was sure he already knew the whole story with Toby. I wonder what he thought when he was looking down on me? Was he angry? No. Probably not. That wasn't who he was. "I wanted to thank you. You saved me after my accident. I don't think I would have been able to get through it without you. And I also want to thank you for… Bringing me to Toby. In some way I feel like it was you that brought me to him."

I stood up, "I love you Adam. And I miss you everyday." I placed one hand on his grave stone before heading back to my car. I wanted to go see Toby, but I wanted to surprise him.

When I pulled into his driveway I saw his car so I knew he was home. I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell and waited for him to answer.

He opened the door. "Spencer?" He smiled. "What are you doing here?" His face changed.

"I wanted to surprise you," I smiled before taking a step towards him and kissing him.

"Well I'm glad," he looked behind him. He was acting really strange.

"Did I come at a bad time?" My smile faded.

"Umm…" he looked side to side. "Kind of."

"Oh I'm sorry," I took a step back. "I'll… come back another time."

I could tell he felt bad, "Well… I don't want you to go. It's just…"

"What?" Why was he acting so weird? Did our last date not go as well as I thought? Was someone inside? Was there another woman in his life? "Toby…" I tried again.

"I've got things to do," he scratched the back of his head. "I can't do anything right now."

"Ok," I gave him a weird look.

"Daddy!" I heard a voice from inside. "Where are you?" I heard it get closer.

Toby looked back, then back at me. He gulped and his face looked… terrified.

I could see her now. She looked up at Toby. She tugged on his pants. He picked her up, and then she looked at me… Her brown long curls cascaded down her back. Her big brown eyes mirrored mine. We both just stared at each other with the same confused looks on our face.

She looked at Toby, "Is that…?"

Toby nodded his head at her.

She looked back at me, "mom?"

Mom? What? How did she even know I existed? I've never even met her before. What the hell is this? It's like one secret after another. Why did he keep this from me. I finally opened my mouth to say something, "I need a minute," I backed away and practically ran.

I crumbled to the ground in his front yard and sobbed. I felt a mix of shock, sadness and happiness. I was obviously shocked to find out I had a daughter who was about 4 or 5. Second… I was sad because I missed out on so much of her life. And if only someone would have told me, I could've been there for her. And there was a part of me that was happy. She was my daughter for crying out loud. No matter how screwed up the situation was… Seeing your daughter for the first time, it's like… This incredibly, overwhelming feeling of love flows through you.

I suddenly felt a pair of arms on mine. He was crouched down in front of me. "Spencer, I'm sorry."

"How could you not tell me?!" I yelled shoving his hands off me.

"I didn't know how!" He looked at me worried.

"You should have just told me! No matter what the consequences. I deserved to know!" I yelled.

"I know, I'm sorry! But I had to think about Hayden too. Our house is filled with pictures of you. She always asked me when you were coming back and I told her you never were. How was I going to explain this to her?" He looked lost. Like he truly had no idea what he was going to do.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I tried wiping the tears away.

"Of course," he grabbed my hands. "I was just waiting for a good time. You and I were just beginning again and… I was afraid."

"Of what?" I asked.

"Of how you would react. What if you took off? Not wanting to see her or me again."

"I wouldn't do that," I sniffled. "I love you too much to take off. Plus… She's my daughter, I couldn't do that."

He pulled me in for a hug. "It was so hard for me Spence… Did you see her? She looks just like you. Everyday when I thought you were dead, I had to look into those brown eyes. And all I could see was you."

"What's she like?" I asked, burring my face into his shoulder.

"She's smart like you. Shy like me. She can be pretty goofy and just like her mom she had me in love with her from the moment I met her." He kissed my temple a couple of times. "Do you want to meet her?"

I thought about it for a minute. I shook my head yes.

He peeled me away from his body and wiped the tears from my face. "She won't want to see you upset. She loves you. She has this picture of you and she sleeps with it every night."

"Are you trying to make me cry again?" My eyes filled with tears.

"Sorry," he smiled. "Come on, she's waiting inside."

I took a deep breath as he opened the door. She peered around the corner, hesitant. But she slowly walked towards me. I kneeled down so I could look her in the eyes. "Hi," my voice cracked.

She didn't speak she just opened her arms and hugged me. I couldn't help it. I lost it. I held her tight and sobbed.  
"I've been waiting for you," she said into my shoulder.

"I know baby," I kissed the top of her head. It was strange how close I already felt to her. There was no awkwardness. I pulled away from her looking at her again. "You look just like me. You have your dads lips though," I smiled.

"And I'm strong like daddy," she flexed her tiny muscles.

"You are!" I laughed. "I can tell you were raised by a man your whole life." I laughed looking at her hair. I brushed it back. "We're going to have to teach daddy how to pin back these beautiful curls so they aren't always hanging in your face."

"Yeah, Emily does that for me when she comes over," she laughed.

"Emily?" I suddenly had a sinking feeling. Someone else was raising my child and keeping my husband 'company' while I was gone.

"Yeah she's daddy's friend," Hayden shrugged her shoulders.

"Friend?" I looked up at Toby.

"She's just a friend," he rolled his eyes at me.

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes," he knelt down beside me. "She likes women," he whispered in my ear.

"Oh," I smiled relieved.

"I have to go potty," she said dashing to the bathroom.

We both laughed and stood up at the same time. "I want us to be a family," I blurted out.

"What?" He turned to me.

"I want to live here and wake up to my husband and my daughter every morning," I admitted.

"Spence… we should slow down," he disapproved.

"Why? I love you. And I need her in my life now."

"We shouldn't rush this. It could get ugly if we do. I'm not saying you can't see her whenever you want. And I'm not saying we can't be together. But I think we need to ease into it," he swept the hair from my face.

I frowned, "But I want to be a family. All three of us."

"Believe me, so do I. But… You might regret it one day. I just want you to be happy and comfortable," he rubbed his thumb on my hands.

"She's my daughter Toby," I was getting angry with him.

"I know. We can make arrangements," he assured me. "Why don't we write down our work schedules and we can make something work."

"Ok," I sighed.

He pulled me over to the living room and we sat down. He found paper and a pen, "Alright what days do you work?"

"Monday through Friday 9-5," I laughed.

He looked at me, "What are you doing by the way? I never asked."

"Oddly enough I am a psychiatrist," I laughed.

He laughed with me, "I might have to start coming to you."

"Anytime," I smiled. "So I already know your schedule. You work Sunday through Wednesday 7-7. So what's the plan?"

"How about… You can have her Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I'll have her Wednesday and Thursday. And then Friday she normally stays the night at Emily's so that can be our day. Just the two of us. And then Saturday it can be the three of us all day."

"Sounds perfect," I smiled at him. "Do you think… She's going to like me? Do you think she'll be scared staying at a strangers house?"

"You aren't a stranger to her," he assured me. "Like I said she acts like you never left. She has conversations with the pictures of you on the wall," he paused for a second. "She's not crazy I swear."

I laughed, "No, that's cute." I sighed, "I just want her to like me."

"You don't have to worry about that," he rubbed my back. "Come here," he pulled me in for a kiss. It felt so good to have the comfort of his lips on mine.

I heard a little voice clear her throat. "Daddy? Can I show mommy my room?"

It was strange to hear her refer to me as mommy, but it was nice at the same time. "I would love to."

"Yay!" She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up the stairs. We went down the hallway passing a few doors on the way. We entered the last room on the left. She opened it. It was painted purple with white flower details. There were several pictures on the wall. Starting on the left it was a picture of the three of us when she was born. As you went down the line Hayden was getting older, and eventually I was no longer in the pictures. It was just her and Toby. It made me shiver just thinking about how sad it was.

"This is my princess bed," she jumped up on it. "Here are all my stuffed animals I sleep with, and the picture of you," she showed me. "Over here is my closet full with my school clothes and my dress up clothes!" She had a tiny lisp that made me smile.

After she finished her grand tour Toby knelt down next to her. "How do you feel about going to mommy's house tonight and spending a few nights with her, just the two of you?"

She smiled up at me, "Can I?"

"Of course," I smiled at her.

"Go grab your princess suitcase, you left it downstairs," Toby told her.

"Ok!" She skipped out of the room.

"Toby! I don't know if I'm ready! I don't have anything at my house. I don't even know what to do? I need you!" I panicked.

"You will do fine," he laughed at me. "If you need anything you can call me. You know where I live and you know where I work. You will do amazing! You had the best mother instincts from the second she was born. You taught me so much," he pulled me in for a hug. "Besides she's pretty easy to please."

I squeezed him tighter, "I'm scared."

"Don't be," he kissed the top of my head. "It's going to be weird being away from her that long."

"Toby…" I frowned. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to wait a week?"

"No," he shook his head. "She's waited long enough for this moment."

"Just hold me for a little longer," I frowned.

Once Hayden came back, we helped her pack her stuff. We made sure to bring a lot of toys so she wouldn't get bored.

"Why can't mommy just stay here?" Hayden asked Toby. "She used to live here when I was a baby."

I gave Toby the I told you so look. He just rolled his eyes at me, "Maybe someday. Just not right now." He stood up and pulled out a DVD from her TV. "She falls asleep to this every night. If we forget it she won't go to bed."  
"Good thing you remembered," I laughed.

"Ok, can we go now?" Hayden asked impatiently.

"Yes, we can," I smiled. I carried her suitcase while she carried her stuffed animals. I paused when I saw Toby's bedroom. Or rather our bedroom. It hit me instantly. It was so small I wasn't sure if it was real. It was an image of Toby and Hayden when she was about 3 or 4 months old. He was making her giggle laying in bed.

"Spence, you ok?" Toby asked.

"I remembered something," I whispered to him.

At first he looked shocked, but then he smiled. "What was it?"

"It was you and Hayden when she was a baby. It lasted maybe three seconds," I smiled. Maybe it would slowly start coming back to me.

"Are you coming?" Hayden yelled from downstairs.

Toby and I laughed and then headed downstairs. He helped me carry the stuff to the car along with her car seat (she was still underweight to be without one). It looked more like a booster seat. He strapped her in, "I love you baby." He kissed her, "I'll see you in a few days."

"Ok bye daddy, I love you!" she waved.

He shut the door and then handed me a card. "This is her daycare. It has a preschool program, it's great. You can bring her there while you are at work. Just drop her off there on Wednesday morning and I will pick her up on my way home from work. I know the lady so she lets me pick her up pretty late. She has a daughter, her and Hayden are best friends." He placed his hands on my waist. "Anyways, I guess I'll see you in six days."

I frowned, "that feels so far away."

"I'll call you every night. How does that sound?" He smiled.

"Better," I smiled back.

"Call me if you need anything," he reminded me. He leaned in and kissed me. It lasted extra long, knowing how long we would be apart. "I love you," he kissed my forehead.

"I love you too," I kissed him one last time. "I'll call you once she falls asleep to let you know how it goes." I said opening my car door.

"You two have fun," he said closing my door once I was in.

I waved as I pulled out of his driveway. 

**A/N: Ok. So maybe really unrealistic? But this is how I pictured it in my head. Please let me know what you think because I have no idea if you guys will like this or not?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the reviews I really appreciate it! I hope you like this chapter! Also... I started writing another Spoby story! I'm hoping to upload it today or in the next couple days. It will be called CLOSE YOUR EYES! So please look for it and take a chance to read it! I hope you guys like it! Don't worry I'm not finished with this story, I still have a lot left to write! I just had a good idea for another story and I had to get started. Anyways... Enjoy!**

Spencer's POV

It was going great! Yesterday she fell right asleep so we didn't do much last night after we left Toby's. But today we were having so much fun together all day. We played all her favorite games and we went to the park. I made her dinner and gave her a bath. I was very pleased with how I was doing. It felt very natural, it never felt forced. Once we both got in our Pajama's I put in that DVD Toby gave me. We watched it in my bed together. I was very surprised to see it was our wedding video. Hayden had all the words memorized in our vows and she pointed out all her favorite parts. "Look there's me!" She pointed at the screen.

"Where?" I scanned the screen. She was born before we were married?

"In your tummy," she gave me a look like I should've already known that.

"Oh, right," I pretended I knew that. I didn't look pregnant, so I wanted to find out that whole story.

I waited until she fell asleep to call Toby. The phone rang a couple times before he picked up. "I've been waiting for you," he answered.

I laughed, "How was your day?" I asked.

"I missed you two," he sighed. "How was yours?"

"Good, she had a lot of fun and so did I," I said sitting down on the couch.

"I wish I could've been there," he sounded sad.

"Hey, so… How long ago did we get married?" I asked.

"A little over five years ago, why?" He asked.

"We were watching our wedding video and Hayden pointed out that she was in my tummy that day. Was I pregnant then?"

He chuckled to himself, "Yes."

"Really? So was it like a shot gun wedding?" I frowned.

"No. I proposed to you a year before the wedding. We found you were pregnant like a week before the wedding. Why do you ask?" he wondered.

"I just want to know," I shrugged. "So what was my reaction?"

"You… freaked out," I could hear him smiling into the phone. "That's the real reason your parents hated me. You took off the last semester when Hayden was born, but you finished up the next fall."

"That makes more sense now," I nodded. "I knew I wouldn't take time off school for no reason. And I see why my parents hated you now. You got me knocked up!"

"Hey!" he defended himself. "We were married!"

"Technically we weren't yet," I corrected.

"Your parents don't know that," he laughed.

"You are so bad!" I scolded him.

"It was your idea to lie to your parents!" He corrected me.

I suddenly frowned. "So they never cared about Hayden?"

"They pretty much disowned you when you told them," he sighed. "They never met her."

"They are horrible people," I shook my head. "I'll make sure they never see her."

"I feel bad," he sighed. "I feel like I'm the reason you never had a good relationship with your parents."

"Well unless you were around when I was born, it wasn't your fault. We've never been on good terms," I assured him.

"I don't know if I can wait five more days to see you," he complained.

"I agree," I bit my lip. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you more."

I laughed, "Ok well I better get to bed. I'll call you tomorrow night."

"Ok, goodnight my love," he said sweetly.

"I love you," I smiled.

"I love you too."

"Night," I said before hanging up the phone. I crawled back in to bed and laid next to Hayden. She moved and cuddled into my side. I smiled realizing this is what I was missing all along. My family.

* * *

Toby's POV

The week went by so slow. I was happy to finally get Hayden back, she was excited to see me. Neither of us had been apart from each other for that long. All she could talk about was Spencer. I was jealous that she got to spend the last three days with her and I didn't. By Friday I was barely able to make it. The waiting was torture. I dropped Hayden off at Emily's and I went back to my house waiting for Spencer to get off work and come over.  
I was in the kitchen making us a nice dinner. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I turned around quickly, "Holy shit Spence! You scared the hell out of me!"

She laughed at me, "I'm sorry."

"Get over here," I grabbed her hand and pulled her in. I planted my lips on hers. She responded by moaning into my mouth and pushing me against the counter. We made out intensely against the counter. Our hands roamed and our lips danced. I felt like a teenager all over again. Unable to control my emotions and hormones. I pulled away when I heard the oven beeping, telling me our food was done.

We both ate quickly so we could get back to what we were doing before. I put our plates in the sink, "You want a tour of the house?"

"I would love that," she smiled taking my hand.

I showed her the basement first, making my way up to the top floor.

"Why so many bedrooms?" She asked opening the doors to reveal empty rooms.

I smiled standing next to her, "You wanted a lot of kids."

"I still do," she flirted kissing his lips.

After she pulled away I looked down.

"What's wrong?" she lifted my chin.

"It's just hard. I forget sometimes that our situations different now. Sometimes I want to just treat you like my wife," I admitted.

"Why don't you?" She questioned.

"Because, I still have to impress you. I have to start over, take you out on dates. And get to know you all over again. And allow you to get to know me," I struggled with these thoughts.

She ran her fingers through my hair and kissed me lightly. "I want you to treat me like your wife, that I once was. It won't scare me off," she smiled.

I looked at her for a moment and then kissed her again. The kiss got heated real fast. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her to my bedroom. Our bedroom. I laid her down and continued laying kisses down her neck. I looked back up at her. I wanted to read her, see if she was feeling uncomfortable or if she wanted to go further.

She smiled before pulling my head down to hers and connecting our lips again. She grabbed the hem of my shirt and peeled it off without hesitation. She immediately pushed me off her and straddled me. This was exactly like the old Spencer. Always wanting to be in control. She kissed down my chest making me shiver. No matter how many women I slept with after Spencer, none of them compared to the way she made me feel. Maybe it was because I was so numb. But now I felt more alive than ever. She made her way down to my pants. She unbuttoned them and then pulled them down and off my feet. She began to go for my boxers.

I grabbed her hands, "I believe we are uneven," I smiled at her. My hands automatically peeled off her shirt.

She unhooked her own bra knowing I was hesitating too much to do it. I gulped as I saw her for the first time in a long time. I had dreamt of this many times but it was so much better in reality. She leaned back down to kiss me. Our bare chests were touching. I finally slid down her leggings so we were both in just our underwear. I waited for her to make the next move so I knew she was for sure ready for this.

She pulled off my boxers and her eyes widened for a second but she tried to look like she wasn't surprised.  
I couldn't wait any longer I took off her underwear. I looked into her eyes, "Are you ok?"

"I'm perfect," she said straddling me again.

She had such confidence, it was sexy. Even though it was her 'our first time' she wanted to be the one in control.  
I grabbed a condom from the bedside table. I was about to put it on when she took it from me and did it herself. "You haven't changed at all," I chuckled.

She smiled before sliding it in. I could see her face go from pain, to shock, to pleasure in seconds. She was tight at first, knowing it's been a while. But after a few seconds I could tell all she was feeling was pleasure. She moved so fluidly on top of me. The sight of it alone was hard to hold back from climaxing early. I tried closing my eyes but just feeling her was just as powerful. She moved back and forth and up and down.

"Toby," she grabbed my chest. Her nails started to dig into my skin, "Toby!" She yelled louder. With one last thrust she moaned even louder. I climaxed seconds after her unable to control it any longer.

She smiled looking down at me, "That was amazing."

I pulled her down so I could hold her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed heavily.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for the reviews! Sorry it's been so long but I didn't want to just post a boring chapter that I ended up hating.**

I woke up to his light touch, tickling my bare back. I let out a small giggle, "that tickles."

He lightly kissed my back. "I was just watching you sleep. I dreamt of the day that we got to just lay next to each other. I missed the little things I took for granted. Like... The way you breathe heavy in your sleep. Or watching your routine before you would go to bed. Or how you always put a bun on the top of your head right before you go on a cleaning rampage."

"I still do that," I giggled.

"Some things never change," he smiled. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," I smiled back.

We both got out of bed. I threw on his t-shirt and boxers And followed him down to the kitchen.

"I miss that too. You in my clothes," he said pulling out stuff for pancakes.

"I'm excited to see Hayden. When is she coming home?" I asked helping stir the batter.

"She should be home soon. I said to bring her home by ten," he poured the batter on the pan. Soon we heard the front door swing open. "Speaking of."

"Daddy," she yelled running into the kitchen. When she saw me she stopped for a second, "mommy!" She ran and gave me a hug. I missed her so much I felt emotional just seeing her big smile. After she pulled away she gave Toby a quick hug.

"You are just in time! Daddy and I are making pancakes," I said setting out plates for the three of us.

"Yum," she smiled sitting at the table ready to eat. "What are we gonna do today?"

"what would you like to do?" Toby asked.

"Hmm..." She thought for a moment. "Can we just play outside?"

"Sure we can," Toby said serving her, her pancakes.

After breakfast the three of us got dressed and headed outside. We started out with drawing with chalk on the sidewalk and then we played hopscotch. After that we helped her ride her bike with training wheels of course. It was so funny to see her go from one thing to the next. She got bored easily, it was draining to have to come up with new things to play.

Now we were playing hide and seek and Hayden was counting while Toby and I hid. I felt a pair of hands slowly hook around my waist. I felt his lips press against my neck and shoulders. I turned in his arms and ran my fingers through his hair. "This has been the best day," I thanked him. I pressed my lips to his as he pinned me to the tree. I felt like a teenager in high school. Not just because we were making out but because of the feelings I was feeling. It was like new love, or falling in love for the first time. The feeling that made my entire body shake in a good way.

"Found you!" Hayden laughed.

Toby pulled away from me. "Oh darn. I guess we have to count now. 1,2,3." Hayden ran off before he could get to four. We both laughed as we listened to her giggle all the way to her new hiding place. "What are you thinking about." He asked.

"I just hate thinking about saying goodbye to you. Especially for so long," I kicked at the dirt under my feet.

"I know me too,"he lifted my chin. "But you know why I'm doing this."

"I don't understand it," I glared at him. "We love each other and we have a kid. Why can't we just be together all the time? You are just making this hard for me and for Hayden."

"I need to make sure this is what you want," he argued. "Not too long ago you were engaged to another man."

"But this is different," I tried to get him to understand. "I know that you are what I want for the rest of my life." I suddenly had another flash of an image. I stared at him blankly as he tried to read my face.

"What's going on? Are you ok?" He touched my cheek.

"I was pregnant," I said softly.

"What?" He asked, not realizing I was having a flashback.

"This tree. I must have been pregnant with Hayden. We were eating outside under this tree and..."

"You went into labor," he finished for me. "You remember?"

"Yeah, just now. I had another flashback," I looked at him.

"Why do you always look so scared when you have one?" He looked at me worried.

"Because... Every time I have one... I feel like the old me is coming back."

"Is that a bad thing?" He raised his eyebrows.

"No it's not," I shook my head. "But I kind of enjoy the mystery to everything. I like listening to you tell me what we were like. I like watching the videos of us and feeling like it's the first time I'm experiencing them."

He just kissed my lips one more time, "we should go find her."

We walked hand in hand as we searched from the backyard to the front. We couldn't find her anywhere. At first I was thinking she was a really good hider but then I started to panic. She was no where to be found. "Toby," my voice went up a thousand octaves. "She's gone."

I could tell he was trying not to panic. "Hayden!" He yelled. "This isn't funny come out now!"

We waited for a few seconds but there was still nothing. He turned to me " I'm going to check the backyard again. You search the front." He sprinted to the back calling out her name again. I searched high and low looking everywhere for her. It felt like slow motion as the time passed and she was still no where in sight.

Toby came running back to me, "Where the hell is she?" He practically yelled at me.

"I don't know. I can't find her anywhere," the tears filled my eyes.

I saw the look in his eyes as he wanted to comfort me. But he knew he needed to find her before he wasted his time calming me down.

Toby ran inside calling out her name.

"What?" Her little innocent voice asked.

"What the hel-" Toby grabbed at his chest like he just had a heart attack.

"Hayden!" I ran to her and hugged her. I pulled away from her and placed my palms on her cheeks. "Don't you ever scare mommy and daddy like that again." I scolded her.

"I just had to go pee. You and daddy were taking a long time to find me so I ran inside to go potty," she shrugged like it was no big deal.

Me and Toby looked at each other and sighed in relief that she was ok.

* * *

"Stay the night," Toby looked at me. "You can leave when I go to work tomorrow."

"You know I wouldn't have to leave ever if we just did what I wanted to do," I teased him.

"You know I would love that babe, but-"

"But what?" I straddled his lap. I moved my mouth with his as dug my hips into his. He moaned as I pulled away slowly.

"You are not fair," he groaned.

"I believe you're the one who is being unfair," I corrected him.

"Please stay the night. I don't want to say goodbye tonight," he asked again.

"Of course," I kissed him again. "Because I'll give you whatever you want. Unlike you-"

"Hey!" He gave me a sad look. "I love you, and that is why I'm doing this."

"I know. But I don't like it," I smiled. "Let's go tuck Hayden into bed." He grabbed my hand as I pulled him up off the couch. "Then you can give your wife a proper goodbye in the bedroom," I whispered in his ear.

He bit his lip before I pulled him upstairs. "I like when you call yourself my wife."


End file.
